The Price of Motherhood

Isn't it strange that we only learn to appreciate our mothers more when we become mothers ourselves?
From pregnancy to delivery to caring for baby (eg breastfeeding), I've come to understand why a mother's love is the greatest... Especially during the first few months with a newborn, even when you've absolute freedom (ie support to look after baby) to go out, you'll constantly be thinking about his next feed, whether he poos, sleeps, crys or falls ill...somehow your biological clock works in sync with baby such that your eyes will open at the slightest cry. No matter how helpful/supportive your hubby may be, it's just not the same where he can sort of 'divorce' himself from baby after tending to him and do something else. It's true like they say, life will never be the same again!
Children are indeed a lifelong responsibility... Realising this since I was young (my dad used to tell me not to have children when I grow up and get married... He said that without my 2 sisters and I, he would not have to work so hard and could travel around the world with my mum), I was never keen to have children. So how did I end up with 3?
Someone once said that when you're a parent, you'll experience personal growth and development. You become braver as you learn to conquer your own fears (eg fear of insects) to protect your children. As for me, I've certainly learnt to be more patient and understanding...

Christmas time - Season of sharing & reflecting

Went to a meaningful Xmas party earlier. A few people were reflecting on the year and sharing their personal growth/development. While I didn't speak, I was also thinking about the year's happenings...
- About 1 year ago, I became a true blue parent myself. Over the year, I learnt and appreciated the joy of parenthood. I really enjoyed watching my baby grow and meeting his milestones of first crawl, first step, etc
- I've also become a stay-at-home mum (SAHM)... spending time at home not just with baby but with my 2 older step-kids. I applaud SAHMs as I think it really takes more to stay home than to go out and work... like I always tell my husband, I'm in a job that I can't throw in the towel and I work 24x7... ;-)
- Staying home has also presented more parenting challenges, particularly so with my teenage girl who's constantly testing her boundaries. Hair-tearing as it may be, I guess it's good that at least I'm in the know of her 'tricks & stunts'...
- I started being a freelance writer for parenting magazines as a way of keeping myself mentally stimulated as well as getting to meet new people. I really enjoy interviewing/speaking to other mothers and sharing experiences
However, lately, I think I've bitten more than I can chew. I've taken on too many assignments that I'm struggling to cope and meet deadlines... which has left me little time to shop for Xmas gifts... thankfully, I'm done with my last article for the year and I promise myself to slow down a bit with the assignments as I work on some goals for 2006... Have a blessed Christmas!

Being a parent & step-parent

Yep, I'm both a parent and step-parent. I had my baby about a year ago and he just turned 1 recently. But he was an 'accident'... I was actually quite set to take care of my step-children only and never felt the need to have my own baby. God really works in strange ways but because He is a good God...all things happen with a purpose.
I used to joke to friends about how I was given a 10-year discount on child-rearing when I got married and became an instant 'parent' at the time Samantha was around 10 years old. However, when the going gets tough, there are many a time when I wondered and asked, where is the joy of parenthood?
God certainly has a way of answering prayers...when Samuel came to live with us permanently in April 04, I discovered I was pregnant that same month. Boy, I was in tears initially and it took me 3 days of crying to eventally come to terms with my pregnancy and decide to proceed with it. I'm well-aware of the challenging road ahead but have learnt to count my blessings with each passing day.
Indeed, it hasn't been easy and it will not be...after all, "life is difficult". And if you've read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, you'll also come to understand that it is not about me...

Get a good counsellor

Depending on the kids' personalities and responses to the family divorce, you may need to seek external help and in this case, the expertise of an experienced counsellor. I've called and checked out numerous counselling services, starting from Family Service Centres (FSCs), hotlines to professional counsellors based in hospitals. Unfortunately, the harvest is plenty but the workers are few. Good counsellors are hard to come by and I need to ascertain a good one before bringing my step-children to see them as I don't want them to be disappointed.

Trust me, it's not just the children but the parents/ step-parents who get disheartened by counsellors too. I cannot recall how many times I've been telling/retelling my family's history just to find someone suitable to help. A good counsellor is not only able to assess and help the child, but also offer feedback and coping strategies for the parent/ step-parent.

Recently, I met up with a psychologist and spoke to him about my step-daughter who's a growing teenager at 13 years old. He's good in diagnosing the situation and understanding her mental psyche. I'm bringing my girl to see him next week...so let's keep our fingers crossed that both of them can connect! Watch this space!

The Gift of Memory

Recently, I was reminded by a good friend-cum-mentor on the gift of memory from God. It is the gift of being able to remember all the good times/moments of life... just like how people say that time is a great healer of all wounds. It's true!

Just think about some of the difficult moments of your life...eg tough times with parents during your teenage years, those restrictions/rules, clashes with parents and how you wish you were living on your own, etc. Looking back, I don't remember much of those times already... they've almost been shelved, hidden and forgotten...

So that's how it is with life challenges... all things will come to a past. As my favourite book's author, M Scott Peck writes, "Life is difficult"... no matter what your situation may be, be it being a real parent or making the choice to be a step-parent. Let's press on!